It’s Okay Not to Know

There’s a moment that happens in therapy sometimes. You sit down, and when it’s your turn to talk…
nothing comes. Or what comes out feels scattered. Unclear. Not quite right.

And it can feel like you’re doing it wrong.

Like you should have something ready. A clear story. A point. But you don’t have to know. You don’t have to know what you feel. You don’t have to know what it means. You don’t have to know where to start.

Not knowing isn’t a problem to solve. It’s often where the work begins. Most of us aren’t used to sitting with uncertainty. We’re used to figuring things out. Naming them and making sense of them as quickly as we can. So when that doesn’t happen in therapy, it can feel uncomfortable. Even frustrating.

But therapy isn’t a space where you’re expected to have it all figured out. It’s a space where things can unfold in real time. Sometimes slowly. Sometimes without a clear direction at first. There are moments in therapy that feel quiet—or stuck. Or like nothing is happening.

But something often is.

It might not have words yet. It might not be organized. It might just be a feeling you can’t quite name. And part of the work is learning how to stay with that—without rushing to make it make sense. You don’t have to perform insight. You don’t have to come prepared.
You don’t have to get it “right.” You can show up unsure. Confused. Even blank.

And we can start there.