Mind the Gap: How to manage daily life while experiencing grief & loss
A few weeks ago, I had to make the gut-wrenching decision to put one of my dogs down. She was very ill, getting worse, and suffering greatly. Even with the knowledge that this was the most sound decision given the circumstances, it was, and still is, very painful. I experienced a huge sense of loss and things felt surreal that day and over the next several days as I came to terms with my “new normal.”
As strange as it seems when you’re grieving, life for the living continues. I have a family, a job, adult responsibilities, and another dog that needs caring for. I went from thinking almost constantly about my sweet dog’s passing to experiencing jarring pains in my chest when reminded of her, which was often. It’s funny because I can now talk about her and feel at peace, or even happy, reminiscing about things like her mannerisms or how affectionate she was. It’s the gaps that get me. When I open a can of tuna, which was her favorite food, she isn’t beside me, begging for some. When I walk into my house and she doesn’t greet me at the door, I’m physically aware of her absence. Setting out only one dog bowl at dinner feels wrong, especially when there are more ready to be used. It’s where she is missing that catches me off guard.
I acknowledged this feeling and wanted to spend some time with it. What I am grieving is not the time I had with her, but the future she’s no longer a part of. It’s not the memories I have that make me sad, but the inability to make new ones with her. This allowed me to think of grief a little bit differently. I know grief is different for everyone, especially depending on who or what the loss entails and what’s going on in your life at the time. For me, I’ve historically avoided grief, especially since COVID. This time around, though she was a pet and not a person, I’m really trying to focus on the following to help me through this experience, instead of just skimming over it:
Being present as much as possible.
Embracing feelings without judgement.
Acknowledging that my grief may look different than someone else’s and that’s okay.
Making daily life manageable by following similar routines when possible.
Accepting the love of those still with me.
Finding ways to keep her memory alive in a way that soothes me.
Recognizing that my grief is not on anyone else’s timeline but mine.
If you have experienced loss recently, whether it’s a breakup, the death of a loved one, loss of a job, cutting off an abusive family member, etc., please know that you can find support here. Schedule a consultation now to begin your healing journey.